Here’s a modern-day expression I’m not so keen on: It’s been a minute.
But so it has.
2024 is well underway. Winter in Connecticut was colder than last year, but still not cold enough to make us nature-lovers wary. Now we’re doing the spring dance of balmy sunshine, lingering cold and incessant rain. And in this cycle, the weeks tick by.
Part of the reason I haven’t written in a while is my personal life took an unexpected turn last summer. My stepfather went into the hospital in early June. He was in and out of the hospital, coming home for a little bit before his energy and mobility flagged, sending him back to the hospital, and then to rehab, and then back to the hospital. Throughout it all, I just thought he was going to get better and come home, but he didn’t. He died of heart failure on August 9. It was shocking and surreal, though in hindsight I guess it shouldn’t have been.
Three months later, my father-in-law also passed away. Like my mom and stepfather, my in-laws had just moved to Connecticut to be closer to us and other family. My father-in-law’s death was also sudden, but not; shocking, but not. And both deaths were undeniably sad and life-changing.
Now we have ‘our moms,’ newly widowed, on either side of us. It’s a blessing, but I realized as stable and independent as my mom has been, she also needs help. First there were all the financial and legal changes we had to navigate and tend to. Plus the emotional and practical adjustments. Which, at some point I realized, are never going to go away. Keeping on top of bills and doctor appointments, mowing the lawn and fixing leaks, trying to keep some levity and fun in life after you’ve been knocked down in the dirt, this is all now part of my life.
We are doing okay. You focus on the positive: thank god they had moved close; there’s no way we could have managed this from a distance. Thank god my mom is resilient and determined, that I have flexibility as a freelancer, that Andrew is a wonderful partner. I’m also so grateful that in the midst of all of this, my best friend and her family moved to town, which brings more love, fun, support and understanding to happy and low points.
This is what it is to be middle-aged and part of this sandwich generation. You raise your kid as best you can, look after your parents without being patronizing or losing your shit, and try to maintain some semblance of a carefree life that you’ve been lucky to more or less live so far.
As Scott Galloway likes to say, life is so rich.